Monday, December 30, 2019

Groovy


When I saw Quentin Tarantino’s movie Once Upon a Time…in Hollywood last summer, I knew enough about the movie to prepare myself for a violent scene near the end, but I wasn’t prepared for the nostalgic sensory blast that hit me as soon as the viewer is deposited in 1969 Los Angeles. I was still in elementary school then, too young to drive myself but having years of experience riding around in the Ford Country Sedan with my dad at the wheel. I coveted fringed moccasins like those Brad Pitt wears and the white go-go boots on Margot Robbie as she trips along the streets of a bygone Westwood. My older sister had a pair of white go-go boots. They were much too big for me, and she didn’t like my borrowing them, but how else would you dance to Nancy Sinatra?
I may have been too young understand what “LSD” meant, but I was old enough to know the lyrics to “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”—and most of the other Beatles’ songs, thanks to my older brother’s ample LP collection that included Neil Diamond, Simon and Garfunkel, Joni Mitchell, and many more. A number of the tracks in Once Upon a Time weren’t entirely familiar to me, but one tune stood out: the radio jingle for “93KHJ, Los Angeles.” That sound, which I hadn’t heard for decades, immediately struck a chord in me. Like a tuning fork that, once struck, precipitates a vibration in another one nearby, that simple set of call letters set my heart humming the tune—a sonic Proustian Madeleine.
The movie would not have been complete without a scene in the long, iconic corridor at LAX, a mosaic of blocky stripes in sixties colors: midnight blue and pale turquoise, dull yellow, ecru, gray, grass green. Just a ten-minute drive away from our house, the airport was always an exciting place to visit, even if we ourselves weren’t going anywhere. People crowding the sidewalks, maybe speaking different languages; people who had travelled the world and had seen wonderful things. If we were there to pick someone up, we would walk down that tiled corridor and meet them—at the gate. If we were seeing them off—at the gate!—we’d wave one last time as they filed down the jetway.
Tarantino, born in 1963, was even younger than me in 1969, and his movie has been called a valentine to the era; the title itself acknowledges the fairy-tale vibe. For those who lived through the late sixties and early seventies as adults, however, it wasn't all peace and love and a Yellow Submarine vibe.  The times were also rife with racism, misogyny, and violence. LA’s smog was thick and impenetrable, shrouding the city so thoroughly that we usually couldn’t see the Hollywood Hills twenty miles away. My brother and father argued about Vietnam. Even so, I take an undeserved pride in growing up in that time. I was all for peace, though I didn’t know what that meant, really. The vibrant colors—the cartoony flowers of Laugh In and wild Peter Max posters—seemed tailor-made for a kid like me who insisted on the primacy of fantasy and imagination. Part of my belief system even then was the environment; I was all for the Ecology movement, whose logo was a green lower-case “e,” and which asked us to “reduce, reuse, recycle.” We bundled up our newspapers with string and collected them for a recycling competition at school; we returned bottles for the dime deposit. What if we had all made that consciousness a way of life throughout the ensuing decades? Would the Earth still be facing an existential peril? If we had embraced the messages of love, naïve though they might have been, and cemented them as part of our national psyche, would the hateful rhetoric of our current times be merely a dark fairy tale?

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

More Cosmo sayings out of order

Other notes from Dad (aka Papa)

COSMO SAYINGS 6 1/2 yrs.

Papa:        Does anyone call you Cos?
Cosmo:    Cameron does.
Papa:        Do you call him Cam?
Cosmo:    That's already taken Jacqui [his mom] calls him that.

Papa says, "mm-hm" a lot.
Cosmo: Why do you say that? That bugs me.

Cosmo went to Disneyland. Not sure what he was talking about but he said he felt "confident."

While reading to Cosmo, Papa would try to enlarge on what was being read. Cosmo said, "You don't have to explain anything while you're reading. You can do that afterwards."
I would also point where he was reading. Cosmo didn't want me to do that. He also pushed my finger away if it was covering too much of the page. When I folded a comic book, he wanted me to hold it as a book.
While reading the word "help," I read it as "Help!" Cosmo told me that it was not used as an exclamation.

Cosmo used the word "purloined" correctly.

Cosmo said to Papa, "I like your house, Papa." He also said, "You have a nice car." Cosmo also told us that he would like to stay here.

Friday, August 5, 2016

Mom, Dad's desk, and some notes she found there

Since my dad's death last February, my mother has been incredibly brave, and by brave I mean she's been able to get up every morning and do stuff. She has learned to drive again (Dad insisted on driving her everywhere, ostensibly a favor to her but more practically an opportunity for him to get out of the house). She has had the plumbing fixed in the bathroom, taken a trip to Denver with sorority sisters, and figured out how to text a photo of her hydrangea in bloom. She's gone through some of his clothes and boxed up his shoes and t-shirts.

She hasn't been able to bring herself to sit in the TV room yet, where they spent time together in the evenings. She doesn't eat well (not that she ever did, really. Not a fan of salad and vegetables, she held true to her English father's preferred diet of meat and--well, whatever goes with meat. Something fried, maybe. But in preparing food for Dad, at least, she had some herself.)

In another act of raw bravery, she's been going through papers in and on his desk. It's a beautiful oak roll-top that Mom bought him years ago, with lots of drawers and cubbies and a wide horizontal surface on which he stacked bank statements and brochures, Masonic newsletters, or church programs; I don't really know, but he had stacks. She recently came across some notes he had written, in his neat handwriting on lined, 5 X 7 pieces of paper, about his youngest grandson--my son, Cosmo. Last month when she gave these to me, it was one of the rare times I've seen or heard her choke up.

One of them started out with the address for Readers Digest's "Life in These United States," but I don't know if he ever sent it:

     Our 3 1/2 year old grandson recently met our friend, Mr. Butterfield. Subsequently we had
     waffles with Mrs. Butterworth's syrup. The boy commented that they syrup bottle was in the
     shape of a woman. His mother said, "That is Mrs. Butterworth," whereupon the boy asked, "Is
     that Mr. Butterfield's wife?"

There were others.

[No date. Cosmo was maybe three]
"I was born on Mars, moved to Saturn, and then came to Earth."
To his father: "Did you miss me when I was in space?"

Jokes
Q: What did the Egyptian say when he awoke?   A: I want my MUMMY.
Q What does the GHOST like to eat?  A: Spooketti.

10-10-02 (Cosmo was 4 1/2)
Cosmo: "Mom, I love you."
Papa: "Cosmo, why do you love Mom?"
Cosmo: "Because she is beautiful; she's nice; and she takes care of me." (Quiet voice and immediate response)

Cosmo to his dad on Fathers Day June 20, 2004 (C was 6 1/2):
"You've been a great dad so far."

10-22-04
"Hi Papa [pause] Hi Papa, Hi Grandma, I really, really [9-10 times] love you. You are the best Grandma and Papa I ever had. Love, Cosmo."

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Fat philanthropy

"I've never seen so many obese women as I have this year."

The setting: an annual convention for a women's philanthropic organization. The speaker: a woman who considers herself obese, but maybe not quite as obese as some of the others here.

Since I'm not a member of the organization, this wasn't my scene and these weren't my people, so it wasn't my place to say anything. Since I'm fairly fit and haven't ever had to struggle with weight, it's unfair for me to criticize. But she had verbalized what I was thinking: Many of these women are very wide. Depending on the fit of their clothes, they are also lumpy in unusual ways.

I was just there to be with my mom, who has been as active member of this organization for 67 years. (For the record, she is quite thin, having lost weight after Dad died last February. They had been married 63 years.) And yet I was grumpy about being there.

I struggled with this grumpiness because it had emerged from a murky corner of my heart. I was judging the convention women for their size, for the Middle America way they dressed, their earnestness, their whiteness. (Of about 600 participants, I noted two women of color.) I judged them by this overheard bit of conversation: “Then I go, ‘I’m running out of teddy bears!’” Maybe I judged them for the banality of the venue, an "Events Center" billed as Loveland, Colorado, but which was in fact an Embassy Suites next to a Budweiser arena and the Larimer County Fairgrounds. The complex teeters on the edge of the eastern plains of Colorado, which is to say the setting is flat and brown. From there on to the east lies the Land of States Lumped Together in the Middle. (This is a smug left-coast bias, of course: As mom has said, Anything inland from the California coast is "Back east.")

Maybe I judged them for their slowness, their tendency to walk at a leisurely pace from room to elevator to conference rooms to complimentary happy hour. (They may have stepped it up for the latter. No judgment there.)

And indeed, when one woman complained of feeling sluggish, I suggested some fresh air.

"That's probably it," she said. "I don't think I've gotten out of this hotel since we got here."

That was Sunday. They had arrived Tuesday.

Here's the thing. In this contentious political season, I strongly support those on the side of peace and justice, diversity and tolerance. I'd like conservatives to back off and let LGBT people, for example, live their lives; I'd like Christians not to impose their values on personal decisions and government business. If I lump these women together as I do the Lumpy States, aren't I being hypocritical as well as judgmental?

I started to come around by the end of the weekend, though. After all, these are my mother's people, and my mother is a smart woman (whom I love even though we don't agree on political issues, which we do not discuss).

At the final banquet, the incoming president and her board were installed, in her words, "wearing pretty dresses" and "bling." I'm not one for Disney princesses, so this was not my thing.

I wasn't expecting to be bowled over by what came next.

And that was the money. They announced in some detail and with greatly deserved pride how much they have raised for St. Jude's Children's Hospital in the past year. Each state was recognized for the thousands of dollars they had contributed--hundreds of thousands for some, and for a few, over a million dollars. Since 1972, when they first adopted the hospital as their special interest, they have raised over 200 million dollars. That's money that goes into research for childhood cancers. That's money that saves the lives of children. These women clearly are more than tacky clothes and tedious meetings. They effect real and positive change in the world, Ms. I'm Too Fit for This, and they can walk as slowly as they damn well please.

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Aginess

(To borrow from Stephen Colbert and his coined word "truthiness.")

Age, wrinkles, and crepey skin. (No, not creepy: "crepey." Like crepe paper. Even though the spell-checker doesn't recognize it as a word, pop-up ads inform me that is undesirable and unsightly, and therefore I am self-conscious about it.) It has been creeping up on me in recent years. (See what I did there?) I notice it when I'm doing yoga. When I do down dog, the skin on my thighs is loose, like cellular shades--I mean the window coverings. Pull them up, they're pleated; let them down, not so much.

As for the face? How is it that I have the skin of a 70-year-old, and other women my age do not?

I identify a number of factors: 1) I grew up in L.A. in the '60s and '70s, when tans were attractive. And if your skin type didn't readily tan, you could always let your skin burn, and that would fade to a tan. 2) I am of Scandinavian stock. Scandinavia includes territory north of the Arctic Circle, where the sun disappears for two-to-six months of the year. Who needs sunblock? 3) I didn't sleep well for about ten years.

Whatever the reasons or excuses, I still avoid looking in the mirror, and when I do I'm quite disappointed. Is that really me? If I squint or dim the lights and smile, then, yes, I recognize myself. (For the record, all those expensive products that claim to reduce deep wrinkles, they obviously haven't been tested on one such as me.)

I know: first-world problems. First-world, privileged white-woman problems.

Anyway, what I mean to say is, I find myself looking into the faces of old people (oldish, meaning 50+) and try to picture how they looked 20, 30 years ago. I can't do it. People are who they are; they have always been the age they are now. At least that's how it seems. Look at the photo of Jimmy and Rosalyn Carter on their wedding day, July 6, 1946. Seventy years ago. How handsome they both are, how strong, how vital. You can see who they will be in their faces--or who they were.

President Carter is 91. My dad would have been 92 last May. He kept a photo album of those years, the '30s, '40s, 50s. That's who he was: so tall and slim and handsome, so capable, so adventurous. A baby son in his arms: how young he was!

And some day, if all goes well, I'll be in my 90s, thinking back to my 50s and how strong I was, how active and healthy.

Just random thoughts, really. And now I have to go look after a couple of three-month-old puppies, who run like there's no tomorrow. Or like there are lots of them.



Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Elles

In my eclectic, persistent search to distract myself from things I should be doing, I listened to a podcast called la société après mai 68, which refers to the social upheaval (student and worker riots) in France during the "Days of May" in 1968. The podcast was an interview with Antoinette Fouque, a co-founder of the French feminist Mouvement de la Libération des Femmes (MLF) in the late '60s. The other co-founder was Monique Wittig (1935-2003).

I'm not sure how I first came upon Wittig's writing, but in my early twenties I bought a used copy of her second novel, Les Guérillères, about a group of women waging war on men. I probably was drawn to it because the title was French (my major at UCSB), even though the text was an English translation. 

To get to my point here, years after I read this book, I got to take a class with Monique Wittig at the University of ArizonaWe read five of her novels, including Les Guérillères, and a collection of essays. I read them in the original French, and while I didn't entirely understand them (the words or meaning), I was certainly in awe and grateful for the opportunity to be in her presence at a seminar table. My shameless claim to fame is that she and the rest of the class came to my house for coffee and pastries at the end of the semester. (Inasmuch as pastries are pastries if they're not patisseries.) 

I remember that she was greatly displeased about David Le Vay's translation of Les Guérillères because he altered and distorted the entire philosophical construct, which centered on the simple pronoun elles. In French, a group of men is referred to as ils; a group of women is elles. Traditionally speaking, if there is one man among any number of women, the pronoun (as well as relevant adjectives and past participles) is masculine.

To describe the warriors in Les Guérillères, Wittig uses the pronoun elles, and Le Vay shifts between "they" and "the women." For example, the first line: "When it rains the women stay in the summer-house." Why "the women" when Wittig simply wrote "elles"? Her purpose, as I understand it, was to re-appropriate the feminine pronoun as the universal. The English "they" was perfectly acceptable because it is ungendered. Throughout my English translation, I edited "they women" to keep the reference as she preferred.

Louise Turcotte, who wrote the foreword to Wittig's essay collection, The Straight Mind, writes, "In claiming the lesbian point of view as universal, she overturns the concepts to which we are accustomed.... [Her] lesbian thought does not aim to transgress but clearly to do away with the categories of gender and sex on which the very notion of universality rests." In fact, Wittig identified her movement not as feminism but "radical lesbianism" because the feminine is defined in opposition to the masculine, whereas lesbianism is entire unto itself. 

I just saw that today is Heterosexual Pride Day. Apparently it's not going over too well in the twittersphere. We live in interesting times, is all I can say.

http://savoirs.rfi.fr/fr/comprendre-enrichir/histoire/archives-la-societe-apres-mai-68

Thursday, June 23, 2016

The popular girls

Elementary school was a long time ago, but I still harbor pleasant memories (or maybe illusions) of being one of the popular girls. I was athletic, so I was a valued member of any team; I was smart (which admittedly has more to do with being popular with teachers), and, if I may say so, cute (although, if I was aware of that, it didn't translate to confidence.) And I was nice to the not-so-popular girls. Then middle school happened. Let us never speak of that again. 

But now, now, I find myself popular again! This time, however, it has little to do with my personality, and everything to do with the fact that I harbor PUPPIES at my house--that is, at least one puppy most of the time, and often two. "Can I come see the puppies?" say my friends. "Are the puppies awake?" asks the ten-year-old neighbor boy. "Oh, puppies!" sighs everyone anywhere ever. (Unless they're cat people, and then there's no hope for them.) On our first visit to the vet, at least five techs materialized in the lobby to see the puppies, one with her phone taking pictures. What strange, exotic creatures! What magnetic, irresistible, unparalleled cuteness! Cute without even trying. Sweet even though they chew whatever objects and textures that they can get their evil--I mean, sharp--teeth on. They may smell trouble before you can even think of it, but that "Who, me?' expression, the goofy gamboling that passes for running, and the fluffy butts and carrot tails are irresistible. You just hope they'll like you enough that you can be their friend.